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Friday, May 2, 2014

Starting the Journey again

Okay well I know that I said that I would post on here everyday starting yesterday, but I had a bad night the night before and so I didn't weigh myself and I didn't eat like I should.  I weighed myself this morning and it's sad but good.  I weighed 270.9.  So boo because it's so much but yay because technically I lost more than a pound since the last time I weighed myself.  I had a slim fast shake for breakfast and even though I wanted to I didn't cheat until lunch.  I was going to have another shake but I didn't I had cocktail weenies instead and a Greek yogurt container.  I promise that I am going to try my hardest to not overdo it at dinner which I am probably making homemade pizza.  I have been cleaning all day.  I never feel like I am doing a good job.  Unless I do everything perfectly I chastise myself for not being good enough and when I say everything I mean everything.  Even being a parent.  I try the best I can but I always feel like I am doing stuff the wrong way or I'm either being to hard or too lenient.  I get upset at myself for not being able to find the balance.  But every little aspect of my life I feel like this from my weight to the way I look period since I don't know how to do my make up or hair, to being a parent to cleaning just all of it.  There are times that I wonder why my wonderful husband is even with me.  Why he was with me in the first place is still a mystery to me.  I feel sometimes that he feels trapped even though he never treats me like that.  He is an amazing man who is very good to us.  He never verbally or physically abuses us.  Whenever he isn't at work he likes to spend time with us which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of men that I know.  I wish that shrinks weren't so expensive.  I could probably use one.  Well hopefully tomorrow will be a good day and I will lose weight.  Talk to you then.