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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Day 6

I'm proud of myself I have actually done this for multiple days at a time.  So yesterday I didn't eat the best.  It started off okay. I didn't eat breakfast.  I left early to go grocery shopping.  I spent way too much there.  I stopped by Hope and got food from hope too.  I got most of my fresh fruits and veggies from there.  I brought home apples and oranges and blackberries and then a couple things of salad, cherries, and just a whole bunch of stuff.  But when I got home I had 5 cookies because I was starving.  I wasn't happy when I ate them but I couldn't stop myself.  I had zero will power at that time.  Then for lunch I actually made a good choice and had one of the salads.  No snack after that even though I thought about it.  I went to the pool with my mother after lunch. She didn't stay long but I stayed and swam with Love Bug.  My mother complained that she had water in her ear and isn't coming back today to swim but Love Bug and I are still going.  Anyway for dinner I made sausages and mac and cheese.  I had only a little mac and cheese and I also cut up and sautéed some peppers, onions, and mushrooms to go on top of the sausages. It was delicious and I had two with mayo and sliced cheese.  No dessert.  I drank one soda yesterday and then nothing else but water.  I was exhausted to the point I was starting to feel sick so I went and lied down.  I was asleep before 7:30.  I guess all the not being able to sleep finally caught up with me because I slept until a little after 5.  Happily my hubby stepped up and got the girls to bed, but I didn't realize until this morning that I slept through game night so it had to be postponed until tonight.  So I stepped on the scale and WOOHOO I lost 2.2 pounds.  So I'm down to 265.7.  So that's even lower than it was before I gained yesterday.  Imagine what I would have been down had I ate better.  Today has started out okay.  Bad because I forgot to put a snack in Pumpkins backpack.  I can't believe I forgot it and she doesn't even know yet.  I'll give her one when she gets home I just didn't think about it.  But happy is instead of cookies for breakfast I had oatmeal so maybe I won't have a bad snack or cheat and eat cookies again.  Now I need to clean and go to the pool.  I really need to make a list of everything I need to do today.  Until tomorrow :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Early start to Day 5

Well I'm on here early today.  I weighed myself and didn't get good news.  I knew I had a bad day yesterday.  This morning I weighed 267.9.  So that is a gain of 1.6 in a day.  I am REALLY disappointed in myself.  I made bad choices and I knew better.  This is going to be a short post since I haven't done anything today yet.  My mother is supposed to come over and go to the pool with me and Love Bug but I have to go to the grocery store and clean before that happens.  SO today is a whole new day so hopefully I can make better choices.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Day 4

Well after weighing myself this morning I lost 0.2 but at least I didn't gain.  So my weight was 266.3.  I went to go help out at hope today with my mother.  It was okay.  I mean I only go there sadly because I feel obligated.  I wish I liked to go and I probably would had it been my idea but Since my mother is one of the main people there and I am an at home mom I feel like I have to go out there.  But I can't complain too much.  They're honestly the reason that I have so much food in my house.  Not that I'm overflowing in food but every little bit helps.  Plus I haven't had to buy very many clothes for my girls in their entire lives. Anyway yet again I am worried about tomorrows weigh in.  I couldn't go to the pool because it was closed today.  So no workout there. And I didn't eat the best.  I had an ice cream sandwich because one of the workers at hope brought me one saying that she was sharing.  I couldn't say no and hurt her feelings so I ate it because she stood right beside me until I did.  I had some broccoli mac and cheese for lunch with a couple of marshmallows.  I felt like I was going to pass out since I haven't been sleeping well so I took a very, very short nap (seriously like maybe 5 minutes before my hubby texted and woke me up). I made pot roast for dinner and I filled my plate with mostly veggies but I also stole some of the pot roast off of the girls' plates and for dessert I had a 90 calorie lemon square.  So WAY too much food.  I will try to be better tomorrow. Today was Pumpkin's first day of second grade.  She said she really liked it.  Hopefully she will continue to like it.  We did her homework together and I also worked on helping Love Bug with learning her alphabet.  I am not a good teacher.  I try but I can get frustrated easily.  She had a hard time with the letter C.  I just don't know.  Right now she's testing her limits so much that trying to get her to actually listen to me is frustrating.  She is really smart.  I know she is.  But I really am not sure how to teach her.  I always felt like I was failing when I was trying to teach Pumpkin but I did something right because last year she was nominated to be in the Program for advanced learning at her school.  So maybe it will all come together and I need to quit trying to force her to learn and just try and lookup ways to make it fun for her.  Well I guess I gave myself something to think about while I am busy tossing and turning trying to fall asleep.  Until tomorrow.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Day 3

Well I was totally amazed today that I didn't gain anything.  I didn't lose anything either but hey I'm calling it a win.  So again today the scale read 266.5.  I'm kind of nervous for tomorrow.  While I did go to the pool today and get a pretty good workout in while I was there.  I also ate horribly.  We had a movie day and we all got a snack.  I got sweet tarts and I also had lunch at sonic and two egg sandwiches for dinner with chips.  I didn't eat the whole box of sweet tarts but enough that I feel guilty.  I knew when I bought them I knew I really shouldn't have, but when my hubby gives me a look because he's trying to justify him getting a large popcorn for the movie theatre.  So he won't feel so bad for getting his snack if I get a snack too.  I really need to learn to say no.  I wish we didn't enable each other like that.  Or we did that we would do it in a good way.  Anyway today is going to be short. I have to get to bed. Pumpkin has her first day of second grade tomorrow so big day for her.  Talk to you guys tomorrow.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Another day

I weighed myself this morning and I lost half a pound.  I wish I had lost more.  But this means that I am about 14 pounds away from using my pounds lost jars again. My weight was 266.5.  I kinda stole from pinterest but I have these two jars one labeled weight to loose and the other weight gone.  When I started them I was 252.  I put pebbles in them to maybe help me get down to my goal weight to see how far I had come.  At one time I had like 15 in the weight gone jar.  But I didn't keep any extra pebbles so when I gained weight I didn't have the extra to put in.  So even when I loose weight I don't get to move any stones over.  Until I get back down.  On the other hand sadly my hubby gained 2.2 pounds this week which sucks.  He wants to loose weight so that he can possibly get back in the military.  That way we can have a better life.  And I want that more than anything honestly.  I loved the military life.  So hopefully he will start losing weight soon.  But he has the same problem I do.  I eat too much and don't exercise enough.  He usually goes for a walk in the morning but he has an office job so he sits all day long.  Yesterday I didn't eat breakfast and when it came time for lunch I was starving.  I at a couple spoonful's of the girls' mac and cheese, The rest of the leftover cheeseburger macaroni hamburger helper, and some chips.  I had a soda with it. Then dinner was one cheeseburger and some chips.  I didn't snack and I didn't have dessert. I know I have to do better and I am lucky that I lost even half a pound.  I swam with the girls yesterday. We stayed for an hour and I got a good workout in while I was there.  But it's the weekend and the weekends are always hard.  I don't seem to eat right or get any exercise in during the weekend.  Then Monday morning school starts and I will have a second grader.  Hopefully it will be better with working out.  My mother is supposed to come by and go to the pool with me and Love Bug when she get off of work.  At least until the pool closes probably early next month.  So not a lot of time there.  I am actually going to have to exercise at home and make sure that I do it.  It's just hard because when I'm at home I see all the stuff I need to do which since it is for my family takes precedence over the working out for me.  I'll post again tomorrow and get back to counting days so tomorrows will be day 3.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Wow

Well so much for getting on here everyday.  I was going good then I got busy.  I gained weight because I wasn't watching and it was my birthday.  I made myself beef stroganoff for dinner and a no bake strawberry cheesecake for instead of a cake.  Since no one else was going to do anything I tried for myself to make it an okay day.  The next day I went over to my mothers and she had made my favorite meal mostaccoli.  I know I spelled that wrong but I have never known how to spell it.  I had to ask her three times to make some of that for me before she finally did it.  She won't give me the recipe to make it myself so I have to depend on her.  Anyway my weight this morning was 267.0.  And even that I had lost 1.5 pounds.  I will write on here tomorrow what I eat today and my new weight no matter what it is.  I have been on the computer a lot in the past couple of days because for some unknown reason all of the sudden I got into ancestry.  There are so many sites that you have to pay and I refuse to do that because right now we're lucky if we can get food on the table.  But ancestry.com has enough free that I was able to go back like 6 generations on my mom's side.  I can't get into the documents but it keeps track of all of the people I put on it.  It was kind of cool to see all the people I was related to.  And I found out that I am at the very least Scottish and Irish.  I also, and I can't show this to my mother, am looking up my real father's side just mainly for the history purposes.  I was always told that his family were Hatfield's. I even had a name with the last name Hatfield.  Plus everyone on that side was from West Virginia so I never questioned it.  However in this journey I have yet to come across that name.  Granted I have only gone back like 3 generations but that one family members last name was never Hatfield it was Mounts.  I was shocked.  So who knows maybe eventually I'll have some answers.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Day 2

I weighed myself today and I weigh 267.0.  So I lost 1.5 pounds.  So yay me.  I didn't have breakfast again today for lunch I had two ham sandwiches with about a half cup of chips then dinner was about a cup of spaghetti.  I left some on the plate again and no snacks or dessert.  It wasn't too bad but right now I am fighting the urge to get a snack.  But I know I'll feel bad about it later.  It is too late at night to eat anything.  I went swimming with the girls again today.  I didn't want to leave but I had to go grocery shopping this afternoon.  I didn't get to sleep until late last night and it's after 10:30 now.  I'm tired but I wanted to make sure that I wrote on here since I am trying to keep a journal of my weight loss so that maybe someone can read this and maybe get inspired or maybe this will just keep me from overeating since I have to share everything that I eat.  Thanks for reading and I'll give you another update tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Day 1

Well I am going to start up again.  I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 268.5.  I weigh myself everyday on the wii.  I didn't eat so well today.  I didn't eat breakfast pretty much like normal.  I'm not a breakfast person and neither is my youngest daughter.  If I didn't almost force her to eat something she wouldn't eat anything.  I had a Totino's pizza for lunch.  I'm not proud when I eat them but they taste so good.  I also had chips with is again. Not good. I don't know if it was just weakness or bad judgment.  I did a little better for dinner.  I had two hot dogs which really is about half of what I used to have and just a spoonful of mac and cheese.  I usually fill my plate, then clean it, then eat some of what the girls have left on their plates.  I don't want to pass down to my children eating everything on their dinner plates so I only make them eat until they are full and if there is food left over that is okay.  Maybe that will help them not have as many bad habits as I do.  Maybe just that will help them not be overweight as adults.  I have been a little depressed as of late.  I am having family issues.  And I'm not the type to cause problems or complain.  I tend to just go with the flow.  I'm an apologizer.  I wish I wasn't but it makes me seem weak and a lot of people take advantage of that.  Including people that shouldn't like family.  Like this weekend was Pumpkin's 8th birthday.  My inlaws came in for just the weekend.  They haven't seen the girls since around Christmas.  I had a party planned for Sunday but that wasn't good enough day for my family.  They wanted to take pumpkin to their house for presents early and when I said no to that they brought every one of her presents to my house on Saturday.  And they didn't stop there.  They also brought party hats, party horns, and a birthday cake with candle.  They pretty much cancelled out the party I was throwing her.  At her actual party that I threw she only got the two presents that we got her.  My family showed up but sat in pretty much silence the whole time acting like it was a huge inconvenience to them to even be there.  Also one day when we were talking about the new Ninja turtle movie.  I said that I honestly think the new turtles look weird and that they kind of look like frogs to me.  I think those movies are so classic that the characters shouldn't be changed that much.  But they went to see the movie which was fine.  They texted me and said that they really liked the movie and I texted back and said that I was glad that they liked their frog movie lol.  I thought it was a joke.  Then the very next text it was taken to a whole new level when they texted me back that I was going to miss out on a very good movie because of my prejudice.  Let me make it clear that I am not prejudiced against anyone or anything.  I don't like when people talk about me so I don't talk about people.  I don't treat one race different from another.  To me we are seriously all people who deserve to be treated equally.  All that matters to me is how someone acts and their personality.  I mean if you're nice to me I'll be nice to you.  However since right after Pumpkin was born there has been quite a few times that my family has called us either prejudice or racist and I seriously don't know where that comes from.  I honestly think I need to move out of Texas.  No offence to people who live here but I never should have moved to this state.  We just don't like it.  There is nothing about living in this state that appeals to us.  And we will be leaving it as soon as we can. Hopefully it will be the military route but if not then we will find another way out.  I am just getting more and more depressed the longer we stay here and it hasn't even been a year yet.  For exercise today I cleaned and I also spent an hour at the pool with the girls.  They had a blast and Pumpkin kept wanting to race.  Love bug was just happy to swim around with her life vest on.  That is one little girl who is absolutely not afraid of water or the pool.  I will try to be back on tomorrow. 

Friday, May 2, 2014

Starting the Journey again

Okay well I know that I said that I would post on here everyday starting yesterday, but I had a bad night the night before and so I didn't weigh myself and I didn't eat like I should.  I weighed myself this morning and it's sad but good.  I weighed 270.9.  So boo because it's so much but yay because technically I lost more than a pound since the last time I weighed myself.  I had a slim fast shake for breakfast and even though I wanted to I didn't cheat until lunch.  I was going to have another shake but I didn't I had cocktail weenies instead and a Greek yogurt container.  I promise that I am going to try my hardest to not overdo it at dinner which I am probably making homemade pizza.  I have been cleaning all day.  I never feel like I am doing a good job.  Unless I do everything perfectly I chastise myself for not being good enough and when I say everything I mean everything.  Even being a parent.  I try the best I can but I always feel like I am doing stuff the wrong way or I'm either being to hard or too lenient.  I get upset at myself for not being able to find the balance.  But every little aspect of my life I feel like this from my weight to the way I look period since I don't know how to do my make up or hair, to being a parent to cleaning just all of it.  There are times that I wonder why my wonderful husband is even with me.  Why he was with me in the first place is still a mystery to me.  I feel sometimes that he feels trapped even though he never treats me like that.  He is an amazing man who is very good to us.  He never verbally or physically abuses us.  Whenever he isn't at work he likes to spend time with us which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of men that I know.  I wish that shrinks weren't so expensive.  I could probably use one.  Well hopefully tomorrow will be a good day and I will lose weight.  Talk to you then.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The first in a while

Okay I know it has been close to a year.  But life kind of came and smacked us around lately so I had to take a sabbatical.  Things were going along great and not really realizing how good we had it.  Pumpkin turned 7 and then started the first grade.  We had her party all planned out even rented a room for it.  Then about a week before the party we found out that the hubby lost his job. Without warning or a severance package after working there for seven years.  It was like things were going great then all of the sudden our whole world came crashing down.  I immediately signed up for food stamps and medical because I wanted to make sure that we had food and if anything happened I could take them to the doctor.  However all of that took around a month to straighten out and we didn't have a paycheck coming in for rent let alone food.  I was scared.  We had to reevaluate our situation.  We decided that it was time for a change.  So we decided to move to Texas close to my family.  I had never lived in Texas before but they were here and it helped that my mom works at HOPE which is a big help.  So we sold one of our cars to have money for the move. Packed everything up.  Had to sell the couch and rented a uhaul and went to drive down here and of course that weekend first Pumpkin got sick and then Love Bug.  Then on the night before we were supposed to leave I got it and was up throwing up the entire night.  So the trip got postponed a day and we drove for over twelve hours to make it here.  I was exhausted from being sick and we left when it was dark and when we got here it was dark.  I was so tired of driving. When we got here and a little unpacked the worry started to sink in more.  Before we moved I had the move to look forward to and after when that was gone and neither one of us had a job so we were just stagnant.  It took a while for unemployment to kick back in and we were getting low on funds.  I only got half the money for food stamps here and only the kids got medical.  So still no job and half the benefits.  The hubby applied everywhere and I applied at a lot of places too.  I got offered a job selling vacuum cleaners however the pay and pretty much everything else was kind of fishy and I didn't want to get into something and regret it later.  As a last resort he applied at a temp agency and it turns out one of the only ways to get a job in this town is to go through a temp agency so that it's less messy if things don't work out.  So at least right before Christmas he finally got a job.  Even so Christmas was thinner than it had been in a lot of years.  Surprisingly pumpkin didn't complain.  We were expecting her to say that "this is it" when she looked under the tree.  But she didn't and it was a good holiday.  So after we got here we enrolled her in school.  We still had only one car and so I was looking forward to her riding the bus while the hubby took the car to work.  However we got here and in this town for some reason the buses don't like to run so there is no bus service for the students in town.  So instead we had to figure out a way to do both.  That way was to get the girls up at like two and then drive the hubby to work and then come home get them back to sleep to wake up a few hours later for school.  That sucked for all of us.  And the way they let the kids out here is very VERY unorganized.  Her old school was very organized. Everyone waited in line the teachers helped the students.  Everyone was done at the same time It was just organized and it felt safer.  We come here and then the first day I see it and when school gets out it is crazy.  There are people walking around everywhere.  Kids running around and random parents coming up to get kids.  Anyone could walk up and get any kid while their back is turned and the kids are supposed to get out at 3:35 but there are some teachers including Pumpkins that always get out like 10 minutes late.  And to get the kids you either park across the street and walk over or you pull in and wait in the two lanes in front of the school. However in the lanes if you get your kid you either have to wait for the line to move up or more often cut off the person beside you so they almost get in an accident and that is every day.  And that's with kids running around.  I'm surprised more kids don't get hit by cars and there aren't more accidents because a lot of the people here like to think about only themselves.  So things have been going on now.  During all of this time I have gained more than 35 pounds.  So I get to start over with my weight loss.  It sucks and I have tried to do the military diet quite a few times but for some reason or another it seems I give up on it on the first day.  So for now I'm going to try drinking a slim fast shake for breakfast and lunch and try not to overdo it on dinner.  I have to do something I feel horrible and fat and sluggish.  Love Bug just turned 3 and she had a Sophia the First birthday party.  We finally got another car so I don't have to worry about Pumpkin getting to school.  We are looking at a house to maybe buy because this one is outrageous.  The other house has about 500  square foot less which isn't bad to go from 2000 to 1500. Four bedrooms and two bathrooms and possibly a dishwasher that works and isn't here just to make fun of me.  And just last weekend we rescued a dog from an animal shelter.  He is 9 weeks old and he's a blue heeler mix.  He has black fur so we named him Loki. After watching Thor together I really liked the movie and so now the hubby picks on me saying that Thor is my man.  If the dog would have had blonder hair he would have been named Thor but since he is jet black he became Loki.  We are still in the not fun potty training stage and chew on EVERYTHING stage.  Even though he has plenty of stuff to chew on. So I think starting tomorrow I am going to write on here my weight and everything I have to eat for the day.  Maybe that will keep me on track with my weight loss.  I want to do something so that I can feel better.  Plus as a bonus my clothes will finally fit better.  I have some that don't fit me anymore.  So talk to you guys tomorrow.